One faithful day she sent me a message saying we need to talk and seeing this I knew what was coming because I’m familiar with such phrase. Getting to her place she said we should take it slow that she was not emotionally ready for relationship. It felt really bad hearing that because we just started but once again considering what she suffered from one of her exes I understood, I did not see the negativity in that because I thought maybe she needed time. I hope you know it’s natural and reasonable for me to think this way, if I left this particular time it means I never loved her not only that but selfish also. Despite how much it hurt I did not leave her, we still chat and talk. Everything was fine and I was hoping very soon we would be happy together once again but I guess if that happened I would probably not write this.
For months we kept in touch I did not make her feel alone, despite we were not officially dating I tried to be there for her. I would chat her up, call her, message her and still reassure her how much I care and love her.
Four months later her attitude changed totally, I mean she was a different person entirely. I had my doubts though but as a person who understands that at times people go through stress and considering what was going on in her family then I thought it was that pressure. So I still tried to understand and I kept calm. It was not just her attitude anymore it has shifted to her use of words with me and I could feel she was drifting away from me. I kept the tabs on, then I started minding her characters. One day I was forced to ask if she was seeing another person hence the reason for the attitudes but she said no, at least not yet.
At a point she started talking more about love and all that. I knew she was in love. So I did some critical analysis. “the way she behaves when she sees me is also the way she talks to me online, no difference. If she’s in love with me even if her words say something her attitudes should say another thing but her attitudes and her words tally”. I knew it was not me and I needed to discover who. I kept my peace and still talk to her like I used to. Meanwhile throughout this time I was with her I did not see another lady because I felt if I should see another she would say yes and I would lose her because I would not want to break up with the new girl, and it’s not that I would love the new girl like her it would just be out of frustration or more like plan B. So, I was telling her how much I loved her and not seeing another.
The fifth months her attitude has now materialized like a full-fledge lioness, it was now so obvious and she was already displaying the guy. She talked to me anyhow, she would read my chats and bothered not to reply. Did you know? Despite all those signs I was seeing I never stopped showing her how much I love her? Not just telling her!
One day I felt it would be nice to just make her know I already got the reasons for attitudes, I told her and she laughed then she said “with these full points of yours I hope you know you need to back off”. What! That was not what I was expecting at all. This was a girl who said she was not ready to go into a relationship, who almost cried, she cried seeing how much I loved her and she could not love me back because she was not ready. It felt really bad. When I connected the dots about with the new guy i said I would not say anything but when she laughed after asking her, i did not just feel hurt, I was absolutely disappointed.
I want you to understand I did not just love this lady, I respected her, saw as a strong woman, pictured her as independent but at the end it occurred to me she was not different, she was just another green snake and a girl who never had the perfect condition or favorable condition.
This was a girl I loved so much, someone I wanted to grow and be with forever. I wish I could express how much I loved her, words can’t sum it up. But as much as it hurts…. I wish her the best.